Its been almost a year since I last came to this page. Dearth of thoughts? No. Laziness? No. Twitter and Facebook make life easy, that's all. And, with both these forums being accessible on my phone, sharing thoughts in a jiffy is easier than logging onto the blog and writing. Maybe, I should find out more about posting blog posts through my phone.
So much has happened since the last time I came here. Siddhartha is now a big boy- goes to school. Talks his way through everything and any situation. Very stubborn, expressive, caring, sensitive child. Its fun to see him grow. I enjoy his milestones and his affection.
And, while he was growing up outside in this world, in front of my eyes - I now have another baby in arms. Very different from Siddhartha, yet the same.
Life is a whirlwind with 2 kids and with 2 boys - it will be a roller coaster ride soon. I am waiting for my younger one to grow up - time just doesnt pass. I am waiting for the boys to come together and create chaos in the house. Siddhartha is already playing his role of an older brother beautifully and I am really proud of him. lets see how they both deal with each other as they grow up.
Till then, the mother in me is struggling and juggling with the kids and trying to come to terms with the lack of sleep, rest and the realities of life.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
My incomplete sense of belonging
Every time someone mentions the city they can call home, the place they belong to, or if someone asks me any question similar to these - something pinches.
There is no city I can call home; no place which I think I belong to. When people ask detailed questions; they get an answer which doesn't mean anything to me. The city, I ancestrally belong to, was last visited by anyone in my family almost 65 years ago. So, it doesn't mean anything to me. Of the many I stayed in, none gives me the sense of belonging.
Maybe, London is the only city, I can call my own. The city where I laughed, played, which gave me so much, including my little baby. But, I don't belong there either. Its not my home.
Even if people stop asking me this question- this fact will never go away!
There is no city I can call home; no place which I think I belong to. When people ask detailed questions; they get an answer which doesn't mean anything to me. The city, I ancestrally belong to, was last visited by anyone in my family almost 65 years ago. So, it doesn't mean anything to me. Of the many I stayed in, none gives me the sense of belonging.
Maybe, London is the only city, I can call my own. The city where I laughed, played, which gave me so much, including my little baby. But, I don't belong there either. Its not my home.
Even if people stop asking me this question- this fact will never go away!
Friday, March 18, 2011
I took away from myself
My biggest question in thirty something years of existence.
Now, with nothing more to grieve for - I feel so empty and alone.
These questions were my companions;
Now, I am left with nothing at all.
The poetic, romantic sense of pain
Doesn't exist anymore
Never knew life could be so lifeless
Whe we get all our answers.
My biggest question in thirty something years of existence.
Now, with nothing more to grieve for - I feel so empty and alone.
These questions were my companions;
Now, I am left with nothing at all.
The poetic, romantic sense of pain
Doesn't exist anymore
Never knew life could be so lifeless
Whe we get all our answers.
Friday, March 04, 2011
Boys
Its interesting to see how boys are wired.
When I give a musical teddy bear to my 9 month old son; instead of listening to the music or playing with the toy, he spends almost 15-20 minutes trying to find the source of the music; in the process nearly doing a postmortem on the poor toy!
Boys!!!
When I give a musical teddy bear to my 9 month old son; instead of listening to the music or playing with the toy, he spends almost 15-20 minutes trying to find the source of the music; in the process nearly doing a postmortem on the poor toy!
Boys!!!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Relationships
Now that my husband has become a frequent traveller; it becomes easy to understand why relationships with one frequent traveller are strained. Not that mine is (touchwood) but, it's easy to see what goes wrong.
People traveling frequently get used to living alone, and fending for themselves. They start liking the peaceful atmosphere where nothing besides their own voice resonates. Where, there is no schedule besides the one which their office and their personal choice creates. No social life besides what they want to have. Thus, they become completely stand alone individuals.
Their families, on the other side, also end up becoming independent and capable of planning schedules without the presence of this traveling partner. They plan social events, outings, doctor visits, necessary shopping all by themselves, as they can't afford to wait for this person who is seldom present.
Thus, as these 2 wheels in the institution of marriage and family, slowly start becoming independent- the need for the other partner starts coming down. Even if both partners are not financially independent, emotional independence starts clawing on the many layers of the marriage and starts forcing the 2 to think about the very important question- Do I need my partner?
This distance creates a strain which needs a lot of love, understanding and proximity to go away.
But, in this fast, evolving modern world, do people have the time and energy to spend on relationships? In a world, where relationships are superficial and the next ones comes even before the existing relationship has ended!
People traveling frequently get used to living alone, and fending for themselves. They start liking the peaceful atmosphere where nothing besides their own voice resonates. Where, there is no schedule besides the one which their office and their personal choice creates. No social life besides what they want to have. Thus, they become completely stand alone individuals.
Their families, on the other side, also end up becoming independent and capable of planning schedules without the presence of this traveling partner. They plan social events, outings, doctor visits, necessary shopping all by themselves, as they can't afford to wait for this person who is seldom present.
Thus, as these 2 wheels in the institution of marriage and family, slowly start becoming independent- the need for the other partner starts coming down. Even if both partners are not financially independent, emotional independence starts clawing on the many layers of the marriage and starts forcing the 2 to think about the very important question- Do I need my partner?
This distance creates a strain which needs a lot of love, understanding and proximity to go away.
But, in this fast, evolving modern world, do people have the time and energy to spend on relationships? In a world, where relationships are superficial and the next ones comes even before the existing relationship has ended!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Wish for my baby
Aa chal ke tujhe main leke chaloon
Ek aise gagan ke tale,
Jahaan gham bhi na ho, aansoon bhi na ho,
Bas pyaar hi pyaar pale....
Ek aise gagan ke tale,
Jahaan gham bhi na ho, aansoon bhi na ho,
Bas pyaar hi pyaar pale....
Friday, October 22, 2010
The inherent me
Sometimes, when life pushes us to the corner and when circumstances force us to behave differently, its important to sit back quietly for a while and recollect who we are inherently - to listen to our inner self and behave accordingly.
Coz, thats the inherent me - the person within us which will hold us together through it all.
Coz, thats the inherent me - the person within us which will hold us together through it all.
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